Driving a BMW
A friend, travelling to Germany has been forced to hire a BMW and has the following questions, which I thought the readers of AVBD would be able to answer:
How do you drive a BMW?
- I know that I have to ignore people trying to get out of a side street, wear sunglasses and cut people up.
- How many centimetres do I have to leave when tailgating somebody?
- Are there any self help tapes I can listen to in the car to enable me to be more arrogant and self important?
- I naturally indicate at turns, are there any tips to overcome this habit built up over years of driving non-BMW cars?
- Do I just go for the one fingered salute, or are there new offensive hand signals in the BMW lexicon of communicating with other road users?
- How much Burberry do I have to buy?
- Are there sensors in the car to lock me out unless I have more than 6 credit cards and 3 gold chains.
- An old lady is crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing. Should I give one long blast on the horn or a series of short irritated little pips on the horn?
- Does your sneer stay like that over a weekend, or do your facial features need longer to freeze in that position?
- In slow moving traffic, how many times must I change lane every 100 yards?
4 comments:
Hmmm
Does it have darkened windows?
Is your hair dyed blonde?
Tsk,you must immediately become a drug dealer. Obviously! Bendy Girl
I think that there's a chemical release system in the driver's seat that turns the occupant into a complete fuckwit as soon as the ignition key is turned.
It is not much different over here either
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