Tourists
The Rough Guide tourist books have declared England “insular, self-important and irritating” and home to “overweight, binge drinking reality TV addicts”. It makes my breast swell with pride. Obviously we’re self important as we know we’re great being born English is winning the lottery of life. I had an American friend who said “England and America are the best countries in the world; everybody else is tied for last”. The man is a card carrying genius. Anyhooo… Back to the point, the rest of it’s a load of Rubbish or irrelevant. Binge drinking is no problem, today’s football hooligans are tomorrow’s infantry, point them at the enemy and tell them to destroy anything in their path. This is an asset for our national defence. Insular is good for the balance of payments, and irritating keeps away the tourists.
Which is exactly the point. The Rough Guide is a book for tourists, and I don’t want them here because I live in London. Without them I won’t get a Greek person opening his map at the top of the only working Tube escalator, a Spaniard stopping in the street abruptly and for no reason on God’s good earth with his bloody Invicta rucksack blocking the way. The West End theatres will be free of fucking musicals like the Sound of Music – the only film I’ve watched where I wanted the Germans to win just to see Julie Andrews cut down in a hail of Schmeisser fire. Our pubs will be free of Tapenade, our museums free of Vichy schoolchildren. When I’m dictator for life the English tourist board will launch a worldwide campaign “Stick to your own Grot hole you poxy gits” and then be shut down.
God Save the Queen
Oh, the Yanks can still come, because as a free nation they don’t moan when the public transport doesn’t work here. This is because they don’t have a public transport system. Their government spends their money on useful things that make their people proud, like the AH-64 A/D Apache Longbow; not crap things that give Communists jobs like Trains and Busses.
Which is exactly the point. The Rough Guide is a book for tourists, and I don’t want them here because I live in London. Without them I won’t get a Greek person opening his map at the top of the only working Tube escalator, a Spaniard stopping in the street abruptly and for no reason on God’s good earth with his bloody Invicta rucksack blocking the way. The West End theatres will be free of fucking musicals like the Sound of Music – the only film I’ve watched where I wanted the Germans to win just to see Julie Andrews cut down in a hail of Schmeisser fire. Our pubs will be free of Tapenade, our museums free of Vichy schoolchildren. When I’m dictator for life the English tourist board will launch a worldwide campaign “Stick to your own Grot hole you poxy gits” and then be shut down.
God Save the Queen
Oh, the Yanks can still come, because as a free nation they don’t moan when the public transport doesn’t work here. This is because they don’t have a public transport system. Their government spends their money on useful things that make their people proud, like the AH-64 A/D Apache Longbow; not crap things that give Communists jobs like Trains and Busses.
7 immoderate opinions:
The belief that binge drinkers etc are tomorrows soldiers just shows your disregard for soldiers.
In WW2 and now soldiers need discipline . Alcohol may help in hostile situations but The Wehrmacht , the Russian army and even the guards armoured did not go into battle sodden. They did go because they were obeying orders.
"Oh, the Yanks can still come, because as a free nation they don’t moan when the public transport doesn’t work here. This is because they don’t have a public transport system. Their government spends their money on useful things that make their people proud, like the AH-64 A/D Apache Longbow; not crap things that give Communists jobs like Trains and Busses."
Obama/Clinton will soon see to that.
Did you know your RSS feed has stopped working? Which is a pain because I rely on it to keep up with my reading.
"The belief that binge drinkers etc are tomorrows soldiers just shows your disregard for soldiers".
Dear boy, you've obviously not met anybody in the Parachute Regiment. Actually I'm an ex soldier myself and hold my old comrades and their Allies in very high regard. Granted the British Army never goes into battle with nothing more than a hip flask, but the Royal Navy did for centuries - the Tot was always issued where possible before battle. The Wermacht didn't go into battle drunk, they were hopped up on Cocaine. Alcohol and battle actually go hand in hand. The Beserkers of Viking Lore went into battle enraged by alcohol, and the Hungarians fought the Muslims invaders mad on red wine. The most famous Bulgarian Reds are called "Bulls blood" in honour of this. http://www.bullsblood.com/
And if you don't think the Red Army was perpetually drunk on Vodka during the Second world war I have a bridge to sell to you.
I'm with you on the Sound of Music. Every time it's been on the telly, I shout at the Germans that they are hiding behind the gravestones, but they never listen.
travelgall, perhaps you should research the circumstances which led to Bill Speakman receiving his VC in Korea.
He's my mum's cousin and the family joke is that he never would have done it if he was sober.
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