Monday, 7 July 2008

Please Sir, may I have some more?

Gordon Brown says un-necessary food purchases were contributing to price hikes, and urged people to plan meals in advance. Thank you for that Gordon, but I actually managed to re-heat Friday nights Chinese takeaway on Saturday all by my self, without assistance for the government. I also managed to polish off a bit of pate left in the Fridge too. I had to throw away half a pack of pasta and some Carbonara sauce last week, but that was because I was bed ridden with a fever, stomach cramps and was crapping water for two days - didn’t have the motivation to finish it, sorry. Should I have sent this to Africa Gordon, do you want me to phone someone from the Council to help me manage my food better?

If I managed my food like you manage my taxes Mr Brown, I’d be catapulting frozen turkeys out of the house in a quantity sufficient to make SW12 look like it was at the receiving end of some sort of biblical plague. So don’t lecture me on anything you’re not capable of doing yourself. After the Cabinet Office study on food policy I look forward to the Governmental food saving task group being set up, might I suggest the former Deputy Prime Minister?


Henry Crun said...

When I heard this on the radio this morning I was transported back to my childhood. My mother would always chide us with: There are children in Africa starving who would be glad of that mashed potato. Now eat it.

Funny thing was, we were living in Africa at the time and i don't ever remember her offering to send them any food parcels.

Anonymous said...

Given Gordon's track record on budgeting I think he should probably keep quiet.

Letters From A Tory said...

Interesting that we both mentioned Prescott on our blog posts about Gordon Brown's food advice this morning!

Travelgall said...

Yeah, I guess Prescott and food go together like Prescott and hugging a toilet bowl. Obvious gag really.

woman on a raft said...

A biblical plague of frozen turkeys - oh I wish I'd written that.

Old Holborn - bitter and twisted said...

"A biblical plague of frozen turkeys - oh I wish I'd written that."

Don't worry darling, you will

Max the Impaler said...

Community care is not working for Gormless. Have a look at the G8 menu on Guido...hypocrisy on this level is a psychiatric illness.

Watervole said...

A visual, as well as a literal, feast.

My compliments.

May I ask were the turkeys battery-farmed or free range? Perhaps stuffed?

Raedwald said...

Gordon responds:

(1) The government will ensure every citizen has access to a personal food advisor who will assist citizens in drawing up a shopping list
(2) local councils will carry out Fridge Audits to assist citizens in waste minimisation, cutting the mouldy bits off old cheese and demonstrating grating techniques for cheese on toast. Fridge Audits will be triggered by a finding of over 1kg of waste food in a household wheely bin by the Refuse Reduction Compliance Inspectorate
(3) A Food Consumption Database will be set up cross-logging debit and loyalty card buying patterns with individual NHS records and enabling the Personal Food Advisors to intervene statutorily if an individual's consumption risks exceeding the threshold levels in the official Department for Wellness Safe Living Index.
(4) A Waste Greens Collection Authority will be formed to collect waste greens for dispatch to Africa.
(5) The government will reduce wasted food by 15% in the current financial year, 17% next year and 32% over the Planning Cycle. As a result Tractor Production will fall by 6% over the period of the Five Year Economic Plan, saving 320,000 litres of fuel.

Ha! Now tell me I don't have a vision for Britain!

Old Holborn said...

Er... Raewald


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