Thursday, 21 May 2009

Atheist Wedding...

When (if) I get married, I want to do it in church, because I like the idea of the marriage vows being witnessed by the community of one's friends and family in the place and in the manner it has been done for centuries.

Religious friends think this hypocritical because I am an athiest.

God, demonstrating His love, yesterday.

It isn't. In order to make my statement, subtly, I want one of the readings to be one of the more wildly inappropriate Passages from the Old Testament. The Story of Lot's daughters being offered to the mob to rape for example (Gen XIX 1-9), or may be the one where they get their poor old dad drunk and... you know... (Gen XIX 30-38). Or the one where a concubine is thrown to the mob, gets gang-raped and dies (Judges XIX 14-29). Perhaps if that's too close to the bone, then an grossly gynophobic set of instructions Like Leviticus XV 16-30 could be slipped in. These will almost certainly get vetoed. Perhaps one of the meaningless lists would be fun Like Genesis V, if followed by "this is the word of the Lord". Or perhaps one where some random tribe gets it. I mean what had the Midianites ever done to hurt anyone (Numbers XXXI)? Any more suggestions for passages which might be suitable... the comments are open.

A subtle sendup, which will at least have the benefit of finding out who's listening to the service.

Does this make me a bad person?



13 comments:

North Briton Hunter said...

Don't think the priest will let you I'm afraid.

More to the point, are you planning to get hitched?

Mitch said...

Fire and brimstone from Revelations might go down well.

Anonymous said...

You might get away with the passage about the inappropriately clad wedding guest, which was followed by weeping and gnashing of teeth (Matthew Chapter 22)(although I didn't!).

Makarios said...

"I mean what had the Midianites ever done to hurt anyone"

You mean other than offering their children as live burnt offerings or subjugating thousands of women to work as prostitutes at their temples? Na, no big deal. Kid's a shekle a dozen. It really doesn't hurt after the fist three or four minutes.

It really is hypocritical. Is this a joke? Yes of course. You got me.

Anonymous said...

YES.

love,

Brandi.

Stuart H said...

2nd book of Kings, 2:23-25

23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.

Devil's Kitchen said...

"When (if) I get married, I want to do it in church, because I like the idea of the marriage vows being witnessed by the community of one's friends and family in the place and in the manner it has been done for centuries."I've always said that I want to get married in a church — despitemy atheism — so that I can choose hymns that the CoE really, really, really hate, e.g. Jerusalem, I Vow To Thee My Country...

DK

Anonymous said...

No it just makes you very naughty. And yes, "I do". xx

Anonymous said...

It is hypocritical. You should have it in a nice hall somewhere in true atheist fashion.

Anonymous said...

I’m also an atheist, and would like to get married in a church.

Personally I don’t get why that makes me hypocritical, I don’t believe in god, so to me a church is just a very pretty building and gives a traditional setting.

I won’t pretend to be a believer to get in the door, but If they refuse me on those grounds, I shall simply point out the hypocrisy in denying me access whilst allowing any other scum into the building as long as they are believers.

Chris said...

I fear the lovely Mrs Jackart-to-be would have your guts for garters and your bollocks for ear-rings if you pulled a stunt like that.

Maybe the passage about there being more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over the smug pieties of 100 'righteous' men...

cabalamat said...

Genius! Yes, do it...

Simon Jester said...

Alternatively, how about Psalm 137 - the one that begins "By the rivers of Babylon":
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=23&chapter=137&version=31&context=chapter
- it would be interesting to see if anyone was still paying attention when it gets to the part "happy is ... he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks."

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