Thursday, 22 July 2010


Both President Obama and David Cameron are in trouble because of their choice of condiments or lack of them. Obama because he chose to have Dijon Mustard on his good old fashioned American Hamburger. David Cameron because he chose a Hot Dog without either Mustard, Onions or Ketchup on his visit to New York with Mayor Bloomberg.

Now American food is damn fine fare. Jambalaya, Ribs, and the Hamburger are all gifts from the Gods via Americas hand to the world. Their Mustard however – meh. Listless and radioactive yellow, it does not add to the celebration of all that is good and holy in your mouth. The “Actions on” ingesting Proper Mustard are as follows. Your sinuses should clear instantly; your brain should be invigorated and you should develop a nose bleed. English Mustard delivers and it is thus the correct Mustard, the French consider mayonnaise a spice, and are thus excused their wimpy brown concoction. But the Americans invented Dave’s Insanity Sauce FFS, they have no excuse whatsoever for the flaccid “French’s American mustard”.

Quite frankly, if you don’t eat Fortnum & Mason’s or Ridleys Gunpowder Mustard with your bangers and mash or Steak, you might as well be wearing a dress and holding a coming out party. David Cameron is right in refusing to use Mustard that bats for Lancashire if you know what I mean.


donavon pfeiffer said...

You are so wrong. as an american I would never waste anything as flavorful as an english Mistard on a hot dog. A hot dog by it's very nature is a bland tasteless thing deserving of a bland condiment such as French's.
If you want it to have actual flavor you add chilli and cheese along with onions. But don't waste English mustard on it. better to eat out of the jar by the spoonful.

Simon said...

Bratwurst needs senf, sharp senf, but senf nontheless. Much as I like mustard it just doesn't work with bratties.

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