Friday, 13 August 2010

Grim up North – BBC Revolt over Manchester Move

It seems the BBC bobble heads who present the vacuous insipid Breakfast shows that pertains to present news are in revolt about being sent to Purdah in Manchester. Two of em’ are saying they’ll quit, and one of them will take early retirement. They quite rightly point out that the BBC bosses won’t be joining them as they go into anaphylactic shock if they’re forced to move further than 10 miles from Harvey Nicks so why the hell should they move? Now whilst it is common knowledge that Manchester is a fetid shithole with all the charismatic appeal of the inside of an empty crisp packet, I am nevertheless impressed that people that thick have been able to work this out.

Maybe its because there aren’t any Waitrose up there where they can get their Organic Peace Crisps that tipped them off, or the fact that they have buildings which sport something called a chimney, or more likely they saw an old map on a wall which quite clearly shows that Manchester used to be part of Lancashire and like Dorian Grey couldn’t tear themselves away from the fucking unspeakable horror of it.

As a result the locals have got the hump about this, if its good enough for hit and hope footballers then why can’t BBC Luvvies live here too they say? It’s hardly as if the Average Manchester United soccer chap is any less brain-dead and any less attracted to gauche shiny gold things manufactured by a chap called Versace – they seem to manage OK. And the Local Zanu-Labour MP Hazel Blears has said these whinging Southerners should be replaced with Northern Talent. Of course its OK for her, she doesn’t have to live near Harvey Nichols because the taxpayer already delivered the stores entire inventory to her, along with a chap called Raoul to give her a North Korean head massage to deal with the “stress” of government and calling Salford your constituency.

So I can understand entirely why these people don’t want to move to Manchester to save taxpayers money that can be spent on promoting Peter Mandelson’s autobiography instead. Yorkshire on the other hand is beautiful. An Elysian field where the children gambol with gumdrop smiles, where beauty and harmony are in symbiosis, and where you can actually get Fish and Chips cooked correctly in Beef dripping instead of fucking groundnut oil. Had they been sent there the whining Luvvies should have just sucked it up.



7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Er, I don't think so. Yark-shyre is just as bad as Manchester. Whilst a few parts of it are visually preferable to the Mancunian gloom the people are the problem.

As Sir Rannulph Twistleton-Wickham-Fiennes so succinctly put it when explaining why he would never take a Yark-shyre man on any of his expeditions, they pick fights and bear grudges. I might add that are completely delusional about the appeal of the place - it ahs none, because of the people.

At least they're 'mad for it' in Manchester. Its just that whatever it is they are 'mad for' is repellent to everyone else.

Can't we build a wall to keep Northerners oop there.

The Fatch said...

The BBC should just call their bluff. If you want to leave then leave. Is there is a shortage of people in this county who can read aloud? We must be able to find another 3.
The loudest protesters in these matters are always the most replaceable. Case in point Adrian Chiles. Oh my god where will we find another slightly podgy middle aged man with a regional accent?

cable tidy said...

i think you'll find there is a harvey nichols in manchester. and now ive set you straight its time i got back to crying in the corner.

CampaignForRealFail said...

This is not a bad thing. Let them go, others will step up. Look how that comely welsh lass was whipped up to replace whatshername. Manchester is a very, very fine city. Wet, yes. But very fine nonetheless.

But this move-the-Beeb-to Salford business misses a trick. Why stop at the beeb? Whitehall, seat of government, politicos, all that business. Get them all up north. Get them all to, say, Bradford. Smack in the middle of the UK, decent access by train and M1(though no doubt highspeed one would be far quicker to arrive this way), loads of other urban centres nearby. A massive intake of middle class intelligentsia and civil service types and families which while the locals might take a while to stomach will bring with it an increase in houseprices, new development, upgraded facilities, embiggened wealth, this that and the other. Turn Westminster into a museum for tourists.

The razing of the north was 1000 years ago, its about time someone made an effort to generate some balance. Remember, York was a capital once.

Curbishlyauto said...

i think you'll find there is a harvey nichols in manchester.


Yes, but it's not a proper one.

Bill said...

Whilst I share the horror of a move to Manchester the real solution is to downsize the BBC dramatically and make what is left subscription-based, then we could observe just how many would flock to its services if not coerced into paying for it for the mere possession of a televiesion receiver even if one never watches the BBC's output.

Let these prima donnas resign; I doubt if anyone will miss them any more than I miss the awful Adrian Chiles.

chris said...

Hopefully this will set a presedent and we can send the civil service to somewhere that will be grateful for their talents, Rockall for example.

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