Friday, 24 September 2010

The Quango Cull

Obviously Owt is better than Nowt and the 177 that are to be binned are a welcome start. Any return of power to people we can actually boot out of office if they’re a dribbling shower of fuckwits is obviously a happy event. But like raedwald, I feel they didn’t ask the right question – or rather they didn’t ask another question first – do we actually need them in the first place?

Quangos getting shit canned I am particularly happy about…

UK Film council – Dull ass movies involving men wearing tights and leftie “Social realism” films will now no longer have my taxpayers money spunked at them. Hopefully they’ll use the spare cash to fund the next James Bond film.

Schools Food Trust – School food is a turd – can’t be polished.

Cycling England – Not that I have anything against cycling per say other than it is a Communist French habit, but I know it will piss jackart off. And watching him go off on one is always entertaining.

Main Honours Advisory Committee – Travelgall is still waiting for his KCMG, they’re obviously not doing their job properly.

Railway Heritage Committee – Nerds.

Alcohol Education and Research Council – My Fiance prefers Cava to Champagne. The General public is drinking that piss weak Italian shite called Peroni. Clearly the General public has not been educated properly. It has to go.

English Heritage – Any body who decided that the Park Hill Estate in Sheffield didn’t need smashing to the ground, and converting into bumps that stop Travellers setting up shop on the waste ground caused by its unmourned demise needs to be fired. Unfortunately they’re only merging the feckers.

Quangos still unbelievably under debate

Coal Authority – You have to be kidding me. Why have these guys survived when the Gas lamps authority and the Plague Victims burial commission have met their maker.

Covent Garden Market Authority – Until they introduce a by-law introducing the death penalty for living statues and panhandling they are surplus to requirement.

Design Council – Privatise it and sell it to IKEA

Office of Fair Access – I have no idea what they do but their Orwellian Title alone should guarantee a bullet to the back of the head

Rail Passengers’ Committee – Veal Crates are more comfortable than Rail Travel, and its got worse not better. They’re as useful as tits on a fish – 86 em’.

Royal Botanical Gardens, Kew – Whilst its impressive that they brought back a plant from the Upper Volta that stinks like a dockyard hookers fanny on Fleet Week, Alan Titchmarsh and B&Q can sponsor it.

Partnership for Schools – Our State Education system is still churning out illiterates. Toodlepip

BBC – Why in the name of God’s Arse are we still paying £3.2 Billion for these arseholes? Does the rest of the world need state propaganda on our Brown Coal Production? This lot should have been binned the minute they yanked the trapdoor lever on William Joyce.

One’s I’ll be sorry to see go…

British Council – only because I once met a hotel employee who had been told that “Peez off, you geev me the shiits” meant hello in English. To the student on a 12 month jolly somewhere nice and hot at the taxpayers expense – I salute you.

British Waterways – Because the 5 Rise Locks in Shipley are very pretty.

British Nuclear Fuels - Because they really REALLY upset CND (Campaign for NATO’s Disarmament)


JimmyGiro said...

These quangos are brilliant at generating reams of glossy leaflets telling people how to live.

It'll be nice to see their little faces, when they receive one sheet of bog-standard A4, itemising how they can live on £65:45 per week; to cover bills, food, clothing, and entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Cycling England

I pick this one out, and say what i said elsewhere.

I cycle to work for a few reasons but above all to save money, to then tax me to encourage Something which people can freely choose to do is in my mind corrupt.

To me this is a good example of what is to me just an alien mindset, i just don't understand how anyone could justify the existence of such a quango, and the same can be said for alot of them.

chris said...

Travelgall is still waiting for his KCMG

Perhaps you should threaten to stop the cheaque? That should speed things up.

banned said...

British Railways (property) Board remains, its' sole function is to sell off the land assets of the former British Railways.
They have been doing this as slowly as possible since privatisation (20 years?)in order to retain their own, lavishly funded, employment.

Idle Pen Pusher said...

Like the Bonfire of the Qangos if you're on Facebook

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