Thursday, 27 January 2011

Jairmany Calling

The Wireless arm of our State Propaganda service Al_Beeb is to undergo swinging cuts. Apparently the BBC World Service is closing off the Serbian, Montenegrin, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, Albanian, Vietnamese and Ukrainian. Also to go is the Caribbean arm, which should kill of the sales of luminous shirts with Pineapples on them in Portland Place. T’Brothers of Labour are upset with Dennis McShane whining “ He's doing in part what no dictator has ever achieved - silencing the voice of the BBC, the voice of Britain, the voice of democracy, the voice of balanced journalism at a time when it is more than ever needed”. Now correct me if I’m wrong Mr McShane, but aren’t you lot always whining about Cultural Imperialism, had an immigration and devolution policy that was deliberately designed to kill off the idea of Britain, and didn’t you bin some other world service broadcasts? The Kalahari San Bushmen click language, Ancient Sanskrit, I have no idea what you binned because I don’t really care but I know you did bin something. And that makes you, on this issue, a great big fucking hypocrite.

It has also been opined by those in the media who like the idea of a nice easy sinecure for their autumn years that this is in the words of the Independent “A hard Knock to soft power”. And that a “relatively small nation such as Britain may struggle to be heard in the age of globalisation”. Well North Korea manages to be heard. And there’s only 20 Million of those poor buggers still alive after their regular famine culls. Why? Because they make sure their foreign policy demands that they are heard – even if what they are speaking is complete bollocks. Why don’t our diplomats make sure we’re heard? If they spent less time working the shaft and cupping the balls of the EU and actually spoke up in favour of Britain, we wouldn’t need the BBC. Why should the British taxpayer hire people with names like the contents of a Scrabble bag that speak the lingo, stick em on the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation and make sure their nation can listen to the British view on their electrification project? Our diplomats should be doing this.

And the other point about being heard is that everybody speaks English, last time I checked most of the world services that are closing have internet connections, and who the hell listens to the wireless any more anyway? You put it on in your car, but judging by the numbers of sub-woofers in your average Caribbean Toyota Pick up truck, and the number of songs about “Boom Boom Battyman” coming out of their vehicles, they haven’t been listening to the BBC’s Op-Ed on Gay and Lesbian rights. And when I was in Vietnam, everybody drives a moped and is too busy trying to balance their grandmother on the handlebars to listen to radio even if they actually fitted them in the first place.

Soft Power. Pah. Well, that did fuck all for us in winning that Soccer World Cup Bid. Did the Indians go any less Commie or buy any more of our goods in the 70’s and 80’s because they play Cricket? Did we all go out and buy Fosters because we were influenced by the Aussie lifestyle as shown on Neighbours, or because it was 40p cheaper per can than proper beer? Do the Yanks sell Coca Cola because they put the adverts on Voice of America, or because it tastes nice on a hot day. And do the Americans continue to dominate the world Auto industry by putting Steve Mcqueen in a Ford Mustang? Err No they don’t. Basically because they build shit cars that drink Petrol, Fall Apart and Corner like an Elephant on Greased Roller-skates. The Japs on the other hand contribute only Hello Kitty to the world and they sell ¾ of the world their Cars. The other ¼ is sold by Ze Germanz whose only post war contribution to world culture is 99 Luftballons.

You have economic power which can force countries to do your bidding, but even that has limits. Nobody listens to the Swedish Justice minister just so they can understand the instructions to their £10.89 ClåäK Clöirk Cliick Fååk Tromsö Bookshelf. You can have agreements. But even then, unless you’re a member of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, you’re going to do what’s in your own interests. There’s only one type of power that people really listen to. It’s called a Gunboat and even then you only listen to it when it’s parked in your main harbour sinking your shipping.

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