Monday, 10 January 2011

Making the British shopping experience more pleasant

I went to Brighton at the weekend and had a lovely time. I didn’t leave the lanes for most of the time I was there. I can heartily recommend it for buying Antiques, Swords and Jewellery – the necklace wasn’t for me you understand.

My overall shopping experience was marred by the walk from the Car Park to The Lanes. Two whole streets full of the most unbelievable tat you could scarcely imagine. Now I know there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. But why the fuck do you need a skull shaped candle with Celtic gibberish written all over it. Who still wears Tie Dye? And what in the name of God’s Arse are Vegan Shoes? They’re made out of Plastic pal, Dinosaurs gave up their lives for your deeply unfashionable footwear, which makes you a hypocrite when you say you won’t wear dead animal. Why is it a fur coat that would have died of natural causes in the 1920’s bad, yet Diplodocus who died 192000000 years ago good?

My suggestion, if you can smell Joss sticks whilst walking in the open air down the street in question - without entering a single shop - the place needs Napalming.

1 comment:

formertory said...

Glastonbury, too.

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