Monday, 28 February 2011

The awards season

I have to admit I’ve been fascinated by the awards season this year. We’ve seen some truly outstanding categories, the excitement is immense. And who can forget all those scrummy arse cracks on the red carpet as the Screwfix Academy Awards get underway. I’m most excited by “Best Foreign Overcharge” As Grzegorz Jarazelski who charged Mrs Ethel Bainbridge £248.50 plus Vat to clear a U bend goes head to head with Borys Szanizlavskia with his superlative charge of 498.75 plus Vat for changing some gutters. We mustn’t forget the British Plumbers in this award season as two home grown stars are nominated in the “Loo overflowing because of triple ply extra soft crapper roll failing to dissolve category”. “The King’s Flusher” is up against “True Shit” in the most prestigious of categories.

We’ve already had the Xerox Photocopier of the year awards, and we can say that they really point the way towards who is going to be the star at the “Screwies”. And who can forget the controversial speech at the Golden Ballcocks when Ricky Jervis, star attendant of Heston Service Station said something offensive about Sewerology, a weird cult worshiped only by plumbers and those who want to be plumbers.

And in other news – a bunch of anorexic Luvvies had another circle jerk of self love.



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