Thursday, 10 February 2011

CofE to re-write Baptism Service in Modern Speak Innit.

The Godly folks at the CofE have decided they need to introduce text speak into the baptism. Now normally I’d leave this to somebody more qualified to comment but quite frankly I can’t resist.

Surely the whole point of God is that he’s a constant in an ever changing world. The place where security is found. Instead you have the Vicar giving you flashbacks by speaking like the chavs who relieved you of your wallet outside - Standard. There’s a right and a wrong and remarkably little wiggle room unless you’re the one who starts the religion in the first place. No wonder everybody who is religious has buggered off and joined the left footers, who only apologised to Galileo in 2000 for booting him out of the Church when he said the world went round the sun.

They don’t need to change the words to suit the goldfish attention span generation, they just need to bring back some sort of excitement to the words they’re uttering. Now I know Vicars have about 40 churches and 80000 old people to look after. But if you can’t get excited about the most important ½ hour of the job then you’re in the wrong game. It would be like a pilot getting bored with the takeoffs and landings. If a vicar is still stuck, he should just watch James Brown in the Blues Brothers.

Personally I regret the day the Church changed the marriage service from the 1662 Book of Common Prayer into 1960’s hippie speak…

and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding


Weekend Yachtsman said...

Coudn't agree more.

From 1662 to (I think) 1969 they changed things once.

Since 1969 (or whenever it was) they've produced a new version of everything every few weeks, so as to remain "relevant" or "edgy" or "down with the kids" or some such nonsense.

Church of England services now sound like something you find posted up on the wall in the Job Centre.

I am not religious at all, but whenever I hear those mellifluous stately phrases, beginning with the numinous "Dearly beloved brethren, the scripture moveth us in sundry places..." something inside me relaxes, and the horrible modern world recedes a little into its own shadows.

Don't they realise the value of what they have almost completely discarded?

Charles said...

I chose to have a nuptual mass for our CoE wedding (my wife - a Californian - wanted a beach wedding but we settled on my preference for wedding at the cost of an eye-wateringly expensive hotel in the south of France for the honeymoon)

You can find proper services in CoE if you know where to look. In London try St. Dunstan in the West on Fleet Street (think you are a City boy, no?) - they are pretty good.

cuffleyburgers said...

Presumably that's why it's called the book of Common prayer... so they can talk common...
But you are of course absolutely correct

lilith said...

They seem to be worried that their congregation won't cope with the phrase "kingdom of heaven" according to some bint on Today yesterday. Kingdom of Heaven is just too tricky. Oh dear.

Umbongo said...

It's not just the dumb-speak of the wedding ceremony: it's the (now obligatory) applause from the congregation at the end of the ceremony that makes me want to vomit.

Sharon Ferguson said...

Dont know if anyone would be interested but this is a link to the Anglican Catholic church - Im part of a mission way down in Texas but this site lists the various churches in the UK that still celebrate the 1928 BCP and adhere to the traditional ENGLISH church as it has been practiced in the British Isles for the last millennia (or so)

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