Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Today's "Fuck-Off!" moment

Everyone who listens to BBC Radio 4's Today program will know what the "Fuck off!" moment is. It is that moment when a story ascends its own bowel in a display of utter political-class inanity. For me, it is generally the second profanity of the day (the first thing I check being Viz Magazine's App, the Daily Profanity whence the title of this blog post). This explusion usually occurs within the first few minutes of listening to the radio.

Today I was running into work, listening to 'Today' when this story nearly caused me to jump under the bus. It's one of those moments when you realise the political class is so far from understanding the concerns of the people that you feel we're doomed. The politicians neither understand the limits of their power, nor understand appropriate causes on which to deploy it.

All school children should take part in compulsory body image and self-esteem lessons, MPs have recommended.
It comes after an inquiry by the All Party Parliamentary Group on body image heard evidence that more than half of the public has a negative body image.
Fuck off. I yelled to the confusion of the dog-walking lady nearby, to whom I apologise. FUCK OFF! What possible good can "body image" lessons for do? The fat kids will still be fat, while the thin ones will be forced to sit in a lesson which they feel irrelevant to them, and will give them another reason to persecute fatty-fatty fat-fat sitting at the front. Fatty's mum will still be feeding him chips, while little organza is brought up on organic hummus. There's nothing that can be done by Government about the dice roll of family cooking practices.

If you're not happy with your body - 50% of us aren't, apparently - have a salad and go for a run. You know what to do, and it really isn't any of the Government's business. Apart from encouraging from a bit of PT in schools that is, but that's offputting to girls and discriminatory to the overweight, so playing fields have been sold off.

The bigger problem is that the kind of levers Government can pull simply aren't appropriate for the problem they're trying to solve. MPs should have seen the report they're discussing and concluded there's little, if anything they can do. Body-image classes are at best a useless waste of time and teaching resources, and at worst appallingly counterproductive.

Yet the politicians, egged on by Westminster-village busybodies in the think-tanks and "third-sector", dutifully reported on by the BBC go on creating these stupid, idiotic announcements, and the people feel harassed, over governed and patronised. Worse, the politicians have real problems to solve, and this niff-naff and trivia seems like fiddling while Rome burns.

Politicians: you want to know why you're held in utter contempt. Listen to your constituents listen to you on the radio. Work out what makes them say "just FUCK OFF!" out loud at the radio. You'll find it's things like this. What we eat & drink for example is simply none of your business. Go Away. Leave us alone. FUCK OFF.


Robert Edwards said...

I have proved, empirically, that not listening to the BBC, particularly first thing in the morning, has beneficial effects on my blood pressure. Over a week, systolic pressure eased by five clicks. It is a policy with which I shall stick. It also saves usefully on destroyed radios

I can never put down a copy of the Guardian without feeling in urgent need of a bath, either.

Henry Crun said...

Saw the same report on BBC Breakfast this morning and my first thought was indeed "Oh FUCK OFF".

Clearly the govt have cleared the deficit and resolved the Euro crises. They must have. Otherwise why else would they be worrying about childrens' body images.

We truly do live in a kakistocracy.

Umbongo said...

As Robert Edwards implies, there was no need for the BBC, on its Today programme, to give this tedious shite 10 minutes - or any minutes - of airtime. Why can't the BBC just concentrate on its main self-imposed task of selling the equally tedious shite of CAGW to a bored and increasingly sceptical audience?

Peter S said...

Henry Crun: kakistocracy it is, I shall use it whenever possible. Thanks!

cuffleyburgers said...

Hi Jackart, I missed this particular moment as I had left for work, but did manage my own fuck off moment earlier in the show having said which I have actually forgotten which story it was, it was some tedious ignorant sanctimonious lefty cunt whining on about the growth vs austerity quite frankly I have lost the will to throw things at the wireless anymore it upsets my puppies and spoils my breakfast... but it would be an interesting reader poll to see what the average time is between switching on the Today programme and ejaculating (I use the word advisedly) "oh FUCK off")

Weekend Yachtsman said...

Of course, if you're a politician and you've given away responsibility for all the real decisions to a foreign power you can't control, this is the sort of thing you feel compelled to fill your time with.

We can dispense with the whole lot of them completely, imho, unless of course they would like to take back the power they gave away - which wasn't theirs to give away in the first place - and start doing something useful.

The Boiling Frog said...

As Weekend Yachtsman succinctly puts it, when MPs have noting to do because power has drained away to Brussels, this is the net result - pretending to be useful

Smoking Scot said...

It won't do a whole lot of good if the child thinks it's the wrong colour (87,000 reported cases of racism in schools over the past year). It won't help redheads or those with freckles, or those with massive purple birth marks, or elephant ears, or buck teeth, or poor parents. No it won't help any of those either.

Then there's the issue of intersexed kids and the guys who have man boobs:

Another Pandora's box best left the hell alone.

JimmyGiro said...

Please Miss Bromide, can I help Janet feel really positive about her breasts... I want to be positive all over them... please Miss?

Jackart said...


Anonymous said...

So glad to hear that others react to 'Today' as I do - I bet we all bellow Oh, fuck off at the same moments (and aren't there plenty of them)

...and I find Sarah Montague the most patronising bint.


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